An Idiot's Whining: 10 Annoying Grimdark Fantasy Cliches

Grimdark fantasy is basically fantasy for people who think they're hardcore! Okay, not really, but it's close. Grimdark fantasy is a subgenre that's darker than your usual fantasy stories. Yeah, the prince may be riding off to save the princess, but he's likely to rape her when he finds her. The world has forests, but someone probably set them all on fire. the world's doomed, the people are all bastards, it basically looks like the internet. A doomed yet amazing wasteland that happily gives you mental scars that will never heal. And while all that sounds awesome and dandy, I've read so much of this subgenre that it's garnered it's very own cliches. Oh look, there's the title! So now that you know what we're talking about, let's get this party started.

10. Rape: The first time I read about the 'hero' raping people was in Prince of Thorns. It shocked me to the core, and made me wonder what in the heck happened that caused a thirteen year old boy to go around raping girls ten years older than him. Now all the male view point characters will go around raping fair to mediocre maidens. And if our heroes aren't going around raping young women, then the heroines got brutally raped and now they want revenge. Once upon a time it was a shocking plot device, but now it's boring. Congratulations, you managed to make rape boring. I'm not sure if that makes me messed up, or the people that keep using this trope.

9. Everyone's a Bastard: You're a bastard, I'm a bastard, the hero's a bastard, the dog, the cat, even that speck of dust. We're all bastards and we're all gonna betray each other at some point or another. And yes, the characters are allowed to be bastards, but that shouldn't be their full time job. It's pretty rare to read about a character in a grimdark fantasy that manages to sit in the middle of 'bastard' and 'anti-hero'. It's actually kinda sad since that's the whole point of grimdark fantasy, throwing our characters into moral dilemmas. And yeah we do it, but we make the characters into never ending bastards. Bastard.

8. Medieval Setting: Why? Does having a proper law force just make it hard for your characters to be bastards? Have you never played Grand Theft Auto? I'm hoping that this trend is just because fantasy is usually thrown into medieval settings, not because it's easier for the characters to get away with anything and everything.

7. Orphans: I'm not sure anyone realizes this, but your life could be a living hell without being an orphan. Almost all wanna be grimdark fantasy books have their main characters be these little orphans that learn how terrible the world is at an early age. They claim that this allows the character to learn all their thievery, backstabbing, and everything else at an early age, but I'm call out on that excuse. You're trying to use the pity card, and I can assure you that I'm ignoring it. What about your character being the child of a town guard? Those guys are usually shown to be slimy bastards anyway, I'm sure they'd learn a thing or two about cruelty.

6. No Settling Down: The main character never seems to settle down. They always have to move onto the next heist, the next kill, and the next turning of bastardy. And yes, that is now a word. I'm not saying that the character has to get married and ride off into the sunset, but at some point the adventure does end, and you do want to just stop. Unless, of course, your character is just addicted to the danger. Then that'd explain some of the stupid decisions they made.

5. No Humor: And now I'm sure some of you are gonna say something about the The Lies of Locke Lamora. Yeah, that has some comedy, but if you read enough grimdark fantasy you'll see that it's always solemn. Someone dies, get's raped, becomes a bastard, or the world just gives up and explodes. In between there isn't a hint of funny dialogue, just that droll feeling that begins eating at your soul and making you cry...Or throw the book out, your choice.

4. Countries Always at War: Why? Why are there always disputes between countries? You realize the world can suck without war, right? Heck, you go to a violent slum during peace time and wonder if the people there are safe and cheery. Throw in the 'needed' medieval conditions and I can assure you that the story can go pretty dark pretty quick. But I'm sure war is used because it's exciting, or at least that's usually the reason given, anyway.

3. The World is Stripped Bare: Honestly, even if there was a time of plenty I'm sure the the races of your world wouldn't get along. Every time I read a grimdark fantasy, the world is stripped of its natural resources. The ore is running low, the crops are dying, and clean water is hard to find. Really, it's like someone sucks at playing Civilization. And you know, I probably wouldn't even mind any of it if the people were squabbling over the lack of food, but they never do. It's always something else, like world domination, and not because their people are hungry. Well they are hungry...Power hungry! Yeah! Okay, I'm done.

2. Little to no Magic: Grimdark fantasy is always low fantasy. The magic is always minor, and the little that does exist is never actually explored. It's so disappointing considering all the bastardy that can be done with magic. Heck, make a necromancer the main character! With all the darkness swimming around, it's the perfect time to allow the dark arts to shine, or darken...Whatever.

1. Everyone's a Mercenary, Thief, or Assassin: WHY? Why do you have to be one of these three occupations? Do you fear being something else wouldn't make you a bad enough bastard? Do you think they won't have awesome skills? You do realize that most factory workers during the Victorian period could probably do a plethora of other things, right? Like being in a gang. But being a full time thief/assassin/mercenary? Nope, you usually went hungry.

So those are all the more annoying cliches in grimdark fantasy, or at least those are the ones that annoy me. Now don't misunderstand this post, I've read books that take these cliches and make them into something new, but more often than not they just fall flat...And die, because it's grimdark.

I'm gonna go play Candy Land now...