Writing Useless Yet Likeable Characters

Tokyo freaking Ghoul! Yeah, I need to rant about this. I've been obsessed with this God-forsaken show for months now, and all I've been doing is quoting this anime, squealing about the awesome characters, and crying over my baby Kaneki. Seriously, fangirl mode is on full throttle and I'm very ashamed of this. However this is; mostly, a blog on writing so let's get to the topic at hand. Tokyo Ghoul is an anime about survival, not just with humans, but the human eating ghouls as well. Each party thinks their side is right, and that if only the other party would disappear then all would be right with the world. Caught in the middle of this war is Kaneki Ken, a nerdy human that decides he wants to man up at the wrong time, the girl he goes out with happens to be a ghoul that tries to eat him, Then, because this is an anime and it needs drama, all the ghoul's organs are stuffed into his body making him an artificial half ghoul. Granted a very wimpy ghoul, he's even likened to a female at one point, but a flesh eating ghoul none the less. So unlike most stories our character isn't the awesome badass, the suave rogue, or even the sneaky scientist. Our main character is a book worm that just wants to finish his degree and live a normal life. Yet everyone likes him when he's useless, a lot more so than his 'taken a level in badass' self. And that's what I'm here to talk about, trying to make likable yet useless characters.

Most times people complain about these characters because they whine and angst. They don't want to help themselves get out of their situation, they'll just whine until they suddenly become the chosen ones, and then they'll start angsting about how they're too badass. Trying to pull of a useless hero takes work, and if you can't sell it then your readers will hate you.

1: Make Your Character Likable-This should go without saying. If your character is essentially useless, you've got to make them likable. Have them be the butt monkey to jokes, have them speak a little wisdom, even have them be a bit snarky. Whatever you do, just make sure that the audience likes them, and won't mind their uselessness.

2: Don't Let Them Angst- This is practically one of my rules to every post, but I'll repeat it anyway. Useless characters that angst about how useless they are don't need to exist. They're like students who complain about how much they suck at math, but don't take the time to study Satan's Subject. A useless character doesn't have to be happy about their current standing, but they shouldn't angst about it either, because all positions can be improved. Speaking of which...

3: Have Them Try to Improve Themselves- They don't need to take a full level of badass like Kaneki did, but they should at least try to improve upon their 'useless' status. This doesn't necessarily mean they need to be a fighter, they could change into a tactician, a sage, or a scholar. Just give them the drive and determination to change. However, you could always have them fail at this, making them the butt end of jokes all the time.

4: Don't Have Them Improve Right Away- I actually loved Eragon as a kid. I bought the book, my parents got me the movie, and then I bought the videogame. Eragon was probably one of the first YA high fantasy books I ever read, and I was totally in love with the concept. However I always got upset by how quickly the titular character managed to achieve and master new skills. I'm not even talking about magic ones, I'm talking about normal ones like reading; he mastered that in a week. Now I have three brothers I helped teach how to read, it does not take a week to learn the basics of reading, especially when you only have so much time to practice and you're under pressure. So when you're trying to get your useless character to improve, be sure you're not having it happen too quickly unless they already have a basic understanding/foundation of that skill.

So that's all I have to say about that. Just remember: make your character have proper character development, and a decent personality, and you'll go far. Or at least your readers won't want to drag your bloody corpse and feed you to zombies.

I'm gonna go read Tokyo Ghoul :Re now...

An Idiot's Review of Cloaked

So, I'll be the first to admit, I have not read an abundant amount of paranormal romance. The few I have read are usually terrible, and as such I do my best to stay away from them for that reason only. However, a dear friend of mine told me I needed to broaden my horizons if I wanted to improve my writing. So I traveled around the internet and managed to find a paranormal romance book to read, in exchange for a fair and honest review. The particular book I picked up was Cloaked, a fifty page novella that dragged me to Romania so I could hang out with a wulfkin and a moody detective. And guys, let's keep that complaints about the over saturation of werewolves to ourselves, shall we?

So the story just starts. There's no prologue, for which I'm thankful for, and gives us a pretty good idea on who our heroine is. Her name's Daciana and she's a wulfkin, meaning that she becomes a wolf during the full moon. And that is exactly how we're introduced to her, as a wolf running through the forest during the full moon. However she crosses paths with a bear and has to lead it back to the forest due to her strong conviction that all animals deserve a chance to live. Unfortunately humans, the police just to make matters worse, are tailing this bear. In a normal situation Daciana could probably say she's using her 'animal behavior specialist' skills to make the bear go away, but right now she's a giant wolf and those are considered a threat by most humans. So off to the forest she runs until sunrise, where she's once again human, but very much naked. So stealth hi-jinks ensues until the plot comes out of hiding: the cubs Daciana watches over at the animal institute she works at have gone missing. And for most people that probably wouldn't matter, but if Daciana is out of a job that means her one year of independence away from her pack is over. But things just become complicated when she's introduced to the cynical and baggage laden police officer/detective, Connell. Putting all her doubts about moving back to her clan to the forefront of her mind.

So now that you know the plot, let's talk about the characters. In my mind characters are way more important than plot when it comes to romance, so I was actually happy to read what was in Daciana's head. Daciana doesn't suffer the tragic paranormal romance heroine issue of 'I'm sorry for being plain' or 'I'm way too snarky to be taken seriously' virus. She's a sweet, middle of the road girl that like her job, custard pastries, and is willing to speak her mind when she has to. Yes she's brash, but I guess that comes with her fierce pride as a wulfkin. In general I liked her, even though she seemed a little preachy when it came to animals and hunting.

Next let's talk about Connell, our male lead. Connell is a guy that recently divorced his wife after she was busy getting  heavily "interrogated" by a guy on the force. This has caused him to want to take love slow, and to hate all liars. However Daciana seems to be a special exception, and he's ready to commit to her pretty early on. Aside from that Connell is pretty meh to me. I don't hate his guts, but he's not making me swoon either.

So now let's talk about the thing that you're all waiting for. The plot-wait, you don't care about how that works out? Fine, then let's talk about the romance. The romance felt rushed, over reliant on lust, and all round dull. I really didn't like it, but then again you can't expect a fully fleshed out romance in fifty pages. However I loved how teasing Connell could be towards Daciana, not that assholish type that drops the girl's self esteem, but the really cute and fluffy type that's all in good fun.

Really, it was freaking adorable.

So, basically I kinda liked the book. Admittedly paranormal romance is not my cup of tea, but I'd recommend Mrs. Walsh's brand of paranormal romance. The paranormal is there, but it's not all encompassing, and the characters involved in the romance aren't half bad.

If you wanna buy it, do so here.

I'm gonna go buy some pizza now. No beer though, underage, sorry Connell...

Genre Savvy vs Get Out of Jail Free

A lot of the time authors want to make their heroes/heroines look smart. Because, apparently, being badass often includes having a brain in the ol' noggin. So often times our heroes will create elaborate, and often tedious, plans to get out of situations. Sometimes these plans seem a bit too contrived, like the author just wanted everything to fall into place like a rigged game of poker. And just like in poker the reader often feels cheated out of time and money, but mostly the latter since that doesn't grow on trees. However I notice some people will complain about characters that seem to recognize too much around them and will quickly find ways to avoid these situations, or exploit the situation to their advantage. Whelp, that's not a get out of jail free card, that character is simply genre savvy. Now, according to TV Tropes, genre savvy is basically when a character is well endowed with a bit of common sense and wit. They will have seen a situation that is standard in a certain genre, and they will react to it in a way they see fit. Does that mean they know they're in a story? Maybe not, but they've seen the situations in other stories and aren't about to fall into the same trap.

But now you're probably wondering. "How can we tell the difference? It all seems like an overly smart character to me. I think you just wanted an excuse to send me to TV Tropes."

No, not necessarily...On both fronts.

When you make a genre savvy character, it's up to you to figure out if they're going to be annoying 'perfect' characters. Even though a character can be genre savvy, they're still human so they will make mistakes. On top of that you have to figure out what their role in the story is. If they're just the comic relief who has no skills outside being genre savvy, chances are no one else in the party will listen to him, making his genre savviness useless to everyone except the reader. Also, the genre savvy person will probably have consequences. Unlike a 'get out of jail free' set up, the road isn't mapped out just for the character to get out of. The character simply recognizes the road and then acts accordingly. Basically there is no dues ex machina for these characters, reality continues to role and they're just gonna try and dodge the 'Obviously Gonna Be In This Ruin Indiana Jones Boulders'.  Because every ruin has Indiana Jones Boulders.

So I'm gonna go get lost on TV Tropes now...

An Idiot's Whining: 10 Annoying Grimdark Fantasy Cliches

Grimdark fantasy is basically fantasy for people who think they're hardcore! Okay, not really, but it's close. Grimdark fantasy is a subgenre that's darker than your usual fantasy stories. Yeah, the prince may be riding off to save the princess, but he's likely to rape her when he finds her. The world has forests, but someone probably set them all on fire. the world's doomed, the people are all bastards, it basically looks like the internet. A doomed yet amazing wasteland that happily gives you mental scars that will never heal. And while all that sounds awesome and dandy, I've read so much of this subgenre that it's garnered it's very own cliches. Oh look, there's the title! So now that you know what we're talking about, let's get this party started.

10. Rape: The first time I read about the 'hero' raping people was in Prince of Thorns. It shocked me to the core, and made me wonder what in the heck happened that caused a thirteen year old boy to go around raping girls ten years older than him. Now all the male view point characters will go around raping fair to mediocre maidens. And if our heroes aren't going around raping young women, then the heroines got brutally raped and now they want revenge. Once upon a time it was a shocking plot device, but now it's boring. Congratulations, you managed to make rape boring. I'm not sure if that makes me messed up, or the people that keep using this trope.

9. Everyone's a Bastard: You're a bastard, I'm a bastard, the hero's a bastard, the dog, the cat, even that speck of dust. We're all bastards and we're all gonna betray each other at some point or another. And yes, the characters are allowed to be bastards, but that shouldn't be their full time job. It's pretty rare to read about a character in a grimdark fantasy that manages to sit in the middle of 'bastard' and 'anti-hero'. It's actually kinda sad since that's the whole point of grimdark fantasy, throwing our characters into moral dilemmas. And yeah we do it, but we make the characters into never ending bastards. Bastard.

8. Medieval Setting: Why? Does having a proper law force just make it hard for your characters to be bastards? Have you never played Grand Theft Auto? I'm hoping that this trend is just because fantasy is usually thrown into medieval settings, not because it's easier for the characters to get away with anything and everything.

7. Orphans: I'm not sure anyone realizes this, but your life could be a living hell without being an orphan. Almost all wanna be grimdark fantasy books have their main characters be these little orphans that learn how terrible the world is at an early age. They claim that this allows the character to learn all their thievery, backstabbing, and everything else at an early age, but I'm call out on that excuse. You're trying to use the pity card, and I can assure you that I'm ignoring it. What about your character being the child of a town guard? Those guys are usually shown to be slimy bastards anyway, I'm sure they'd learn a thing or two about cruelty.

6. No Settling Down: The main character never seems to settle down. They always have to move onto the next heist, the next kill, and the next turning of bastardy. And yes, that is now a word. I'm not saying that the character has to get married and ride off into the sunset, but at some point the adventure does end, and you do want to just stop. Unless, of course, your character is just addicted to the danger. Then that'd explain some of the stupid decisions they made.

5. No Humor: And now I'm sure some of you are gonna say something about the The Lies of Locke Lamora. Yeah, that has some comedy, but if you read enough grimdark fantasy you'll see that it's always solemn. Someone dies, get's raped, becomes a bastard, or the world just gives up and explodes. In between there isn't a hint of funny dialogue, just that droll feeling that begins eating at your soul and making you cry...Or throw the book out, your choice.

4. Countries Always at War: Why? Why are there always disputes between countries? You realize the world can suck without war, right? Heck, you go to a violent slum during peace time and wonder if the people there are safe and cheery. Throw in the 'needed' medieval conditions and I can assure you that the story can go pretty dark pretty quick. But I'm sure war is used because it's exciting, or at least that's usually the reason given, anyway.

3. The World is Stripped Bare: Honestly, even if there was a time of plenty I'm sure the the races of your world wouldn't get along. Every time I read a grimdark fantasy, the world is stripped of its natural resources. The ore is running low, the crops are dying, and clean water is hard to find. Really, it's like someone sucks at playing Civilization. And you know, I probably wouldn't even mind any of it if the people were squabbling over the lack of food, but they never do. It's always something else, like world domination, and not because their people are hungry. Well they are hungry...Power hungry! Yeah! Okay, I'm done.

2. Little to no Magic: Grimdark fantasy is always low fantasy. The magic is always minor, and the little that does exist is never actually explored. It's so disappointing considering all the bastardy that can be done with magic. Heck, make a necromancer the main character! With all the darkness swimming around, it's the perfect time to allow the dark arts to shine, or darken...Whatever.

1. Everyone's a Mercenary, Thief, or Assassin: WHY? Why do you have to be one of these three occupations? Do you fear being something else wouldn't make you a bad enough bastard? Do you think they won't have awesome skills? You do realize that most factory workers during the Victorian period could probably do a plethora of other things, right? Like being in a gang. But being a full time thief/assassin/mercenary? Nope, you usually went hungry.

So those are all the more annoying cliches in grimdark fantasy, or at least those are the ones that annoy me. Now don't misunderstand this post, I've read books that take these cliches and make them into something new, but more often than not they just fall flat...And die, because it's grimdark.

I'm gonna go play Candy Land now...

An Idiot's Review of The Immortals: Part Two: Allies and Enemies

So it's safe to say that you knew I'd be reviewing this book eventually. I was basically a whiny fangirl over the first book, so it's no surprise that I'd be quick to jump onto reviewing Mrs. Cheryl Mackey's The Immortals: Allies and Enemies. This is practically a direct sequel to the first book, which almost always got me nervous. Sequel books have a bad habit of being boring and filled with pointless sub plots that make you want to find something else to do. However this fate managed to escape this particular book thanks to the massive amount of world building and character development. However it's not done in a way that is, once again, full of annoying filler. The plot is on a roll, and it takes us on a wild journey...Then careens off a cliff, making me want to slam my kindle against a wall.

Okay, let me explain this in a way that makes sense. First off, the main characters do go through a ton of character development.Romance blossoms between two of our companions, we learn a bit more about Emeranthe's past, and we get to see Jadeth get angsty about the demise of her people thanks to a new character getting introduced. I feel like out of all the characters, Jaeger missed out on some deep development, but I'm sure that will be changed with the next book. Because there must be a next book...

We're also introduced to two new characters. First up we have the elf, Dehil, he's a sneaky cowardly guy that you really don't trust the minute he waltzes onto the stage. As I read more about his character, and even got a view of things from his head, I still couldn't decide if I hated him or not. He's just one of those slippery rogues you have to either love or hate, there's just no middle ground. I mean, there could be, but my emotions were sloshing around the entire time reading about him. One minute I wanted to hug him, the next I wanted to punch him in the face.

Next up is Gabaran. He's a species of elf that's exiled, and has a complex history that I'd love to explore further. The companions run into him in a tower in the desert, and learn that Emeranthe knows this guy. However that doesn't make him trust worthy, and a lot of the time I found myself wondering if this guy really did have the best interest for the companions at heart. Then the ending hit...

The overall plot of this story is the quest that the council had given our companions at the end of the last novel. Go find the magical and mystical map. This sends our companions out to the desert again, which I loved, and caused plenty of issues in its own way. However there wasn't so much as plot as character development. The truth is, the entire book is character driven this time around. If you're looking for action it's most certainly there, but it's the character interaction that makes this book shine.

So what didn't I like about this book? I mean, I'm a whiny person, I have to dislike/hate something. Well, the purple prose pertaining to the romantic parts was not appreciated. I dislike purple prose, reasons can be found here, so I was rolling my eyes during those sections. I also didn't buy the romance between two of the characters, yeah I liked it, but that doesn't mean it was realistic. I'd have appreciated at least hints to it in the last book.

Oh, and the ending. That cliff hanger ending...

I'm gonna go cook dinner now...

If you wanna buy the book, do so here.